Club Wellbeing · Member Wellbeing Series
Tricky Conversations
Conflict in clubs is normal. Letting it fester is optional.
Download PDF Factsheetfor difficult conversations
Lions Clubs bring together people of different backgrounds, opinions, personalities, and ways of doing things, united by a shared commitment to service.
That diversity is a strength. But it also means that disagreements, misunderstandings, and difficult conversations are inevitable.
The clubs that thrive long-term are not the ones where conflict never happens. They are the ones where members have the skills and the willingness to work through it.
Why Conflict Happens in Clubs
Understanding why conflict arises — rather than just reacting to it — is the first step toward resolving it well.
Common Triggers
- Decisions made without consultation
- Long-standing members feeling sidelined
- Newer members feeling unwelcome or unheard
- Unequal distribution of work and recognition
- Leadership styles that clash
- Unresolved history being carried forward
- Personal stress or life difficulty spilling into club
- Change to roles, processes, events, or direction
What Lies Beneath
Most club conflict is not really about the surface issue. It is usually about one or more unmet needs:
- The need to feel valued and respected
- The need to belong and be included
- The need to feel heard
- The need for fairness
- The need for continuity and predictability
Address the need, and the conflict often resolves itself.
The RESOLVE Approach
Developed by Clinical Psychologist Andrew Fuller, the RESOLVE model offers a practical framework for navigating difficult conversations, adapted here for the Lions club context.
| R | Respond with Respect | Lead the conversation, don't react to it |
| E | Engage | Create a safe space and genuinely listen |
| S | Seek Understanding | Find out where the real hurt lies |
| O | Observe Feelings | Notice the emotion beneath the words |
| L | Lower the Tone | Calm the nervous system — yours and theirs |
| V | Value Add | Ask what they need, not what you think they deserve |
| E | Empower | Move toward resolution together |
RESOLVE in Practice
Try to give people what they need, not what they deserve.
Respond with Respect
Lead, don't react
When someone is angry or upset, the instinct is to defend ourselves. Resist it. Responding with respect means staying calm even when the other person isn't — choosing to lead the conversation rather than being pulled along by it.
Engage
Create safety first
Find a private, comfortable space. Sit down together. Remove the audience. Ask them to explain what is happening for them, and then only ask questions.
Seek Understanding
Listen in three ways
Your job at this stage is not to respond or defend. It is to find out where they are hurting. Ask questions. Listen without preparing your reply.
Observe Feelings
The emotion beneath the words
By the time someone brings a conflict to you, they have usually been sitting on it for a while. They may just need to be heard. Slow the conversation down and give them the sense that you have time.
Lower the Tone
Calm the room
Heightened emotions mean elevated cortisol and adrenaline — the brain is in threat mode and cannot think its way to solutions. Offer water. Suggest a short walk. Breathe slowly yourself. Certainty reduces cortisol.
Value Add
Ask the unexpected question
When the moment is right, ask simply: "What would you like me to do? How can I help?" This shifts the dynamic from confrontation to collaboration and invites the other person to stop and think.
Empower
Move forward together
Agree on actions, however small. Even a single next step changes the dynamic from stuck to moving. Arrange a follow-up. Check in on how things are going and acknowledge the courage it took to have the conversation at all.
What Tends to Make Things Worse
Avoid These
- Responding publicly — conflict in front of others escalates quickly and creates sides
- Defending before listening — this signals that you care more about being right than resolving
- Bringing up history — relitigating old grievances prevents resolution of the current one
- Minimising — 'It's not a big deal' is rarely received as reassurance
- Ghosting the issue — hoping it will go away rarely works and usually makes it worse
Instead, Try
- Private, calm, one-on-one conversation
- Genuine curiosity before any response
- Focusing on the present issue only
- Acknowledging how the person feels, even if you see it differently
- Taking the issue seriously, even if it seems small to you
When to Seek Further Support
Not every conflict can or should be resolved within the club. It is appropriate to seek support when:
- The conflict involves formal complaints or potential misconduct
- Personal safety is a concern
- Multiple attempts to resolve the issue have been unsuccessful
- The conflict is significantly affecting club culture or membership retention
Lions Australia has support structures available. District leadership, zone chairs, and the Foundation are all resources worth drawing on when needed.
Seeking help is not a sign of failure. It is a sign of commitment to the club.A Moment to Reflect
- Is there a conversation in your club that has been avoided or left unfinished?
- What kind of club culture do you want to be part of building?
- What would it look like to approach it with genuine curiosity rather than defensiveness?
The health of a club is built in thousands of small moments — the conversations we choose to have, and the way we choose to have them.